New username, new me. What's with the blue check marks? What did I miss? I'm hoping to start using my site more again, sort of as a replacement for social media. I've pretty much stopped using Instagram and Twitter altogether. There's lots to update, so I'll try to stick with it.

Work sucks, but I'm not doing too terribly. I'm cautiously coasting by with an air of neutrality regarding life. I'm pretty meh all the time, which is better than the suffering I was dealing with before, so I'm not complaining.

I've befriended some of my coworkers, but I don't think it'll progress farther than just being work friends; they're all in the their 30s with kids. I am a kid, it feels like. I'm in such a different stage in my life as they are that it's kind of jarring. I actually went to school with one of them, but she was several grades above me. She was a scene kid when it was cool and 5th grade me thought she was the coolest shit ever. She's nothing like that now, of course, but it's interesting that this is where she ended up.

That's about all for now. Thanks for reading.

I apologize for my absence. I recently began working at a thrift store processing clothing donations. It's interesting; sometimes I get cool sweaters, sometimes I get dirty underwear riddled with bugs and spiders. The latter is a reason I'm looking into a more typical retail position, but for the meantime, it's not so bad. I get cool gloves and my coworkers are funny. Last week, the station that the store music plays on lost signal so it played the same 5 songs on loop all day. I think I listened to "Welcome to the Jungle" at least 500 times half of last week. It was fucking terrible. Infuriating. The moment I saw the repairman come in was like meeting Jesus.

You'd be surprised what people think is appropriate to donate. Dirty underwear and socks, stained tablecloths, shoes filled with spiderwebs (spiders included). It's insane. Why don't people use common sense? Would they purchase underwear at a secondhand store? I surely wouldn't.

There was a death in the family recently as well, so I've been coping with that. We've been cleaning out the deceased's house and found some vintage cameras, so we're going to see if I can keep them, since I collect them and all.

As far as mental health goes, I think I'm doing relatively alright. I get out more, I'm making money, and I'm interacting with people. Believe it or not, that helps. I'm also on a medication that targets OCD behavior. That's helping too, I think.

That's about it. Here's a doodle of me at work.

I've never known the comfort and assurance of a stable sense of self; I've always been volatile and constantly undergoing "redesigns." I know myself like I know someone I pass semi-regularly in a coffee shop. I have a faint grasp of how I look and my interests, but how I carry myself is where I get lost: my fashion tastes, my overall "aesthetic," the role I play in social settings. It's constantly morphing.

My partner is my mirror. What they know is what I'm aware of. What they reflect of me is what I know. Very few aspects of my existence are cement, so what they observe candidly is the best insight I can get.

I can feel myself molting again. I'm shedding skin, and having any connection to my previous molts makes me sick. I'm not the same person I was two years ago, and I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. I'm changing again, and I can only hope it's for the better and not just because of medication changes.

I could chalk it up to the BPD, and while that's likely what it is, I don't like giving it that much credit, even when credit is due. Of course, the instability is caused by a disordered personality known for instability. Acknowledging how much it affects me, however, is uncomfortable. Knowing how many people I've been in my short life is unsettling. I feel like I've lived so many lives, and I don't like any of them. I can only hope this one will be better.

I think that may have just been a bout of mania. All my motivation is gone and I feel like total shit, for the usual reasons and some new ones! I attempted to draw some, but came up unsuccessful aside from a few scribbles for some friends. Not meeting my own standards makes it kind of undesirable to try. I feel braindead and I'm barely in my body as I'm typing this.

So, now that the storm seems to have blown over and I've calmed down some, I'm going to put Vinny's RE7 stream on. It's taken over Saw's "comfort media" slot over the past year or so. I've actually downloaded the entire playlist to watch offline since my internet is so terrible. Meme is related.

The game itself is a comfort at this point. I don't know why, but it just feels nice. I like the characters and the setting a lot. I fucking hate Mia though -- fuck Mia. Ethan deserved so much better. Like, no one wants to acknowledge she was complicit in Eveline's whole deal. She was dishonest and played a part in the Bakers' infection. Sure, Lucas picked it up after she dropped it, but she still dropped it. Ethan was just a dude and he got sucked in and paid the price. Yeah, most people would alert the authorities if they found out a missing person was alive and active somewhere, and that probably would've saved his life, but, y'know. Gestures vaguely. She still dragged him into it.

Eventually I'd like to have a page dedicated to it, whether it's a "shrine" or just a long-winded log talking about it. I don't have it in me to do it now, but it is something I have intentions of doing... Along with the 500 other things I have planned without an actual plan. It'll take effort to not make it a 2,000 word essay on how much I love Lucas Baker.

I've been working on playlists for the music page that doesn't exist yet. It's going to be a massive pain in the ass to do it. I'm not even sure what I'm going to do for it -- I'm not wanting the page to be too simple, but my skills only reach so far. If you have any advice or guidance for this, I'd love to hear it.

The current project is acoustic shit. I think people call it folk punk, but I'm honestly not sure. A lot of it is Harley Poe. I saw them live a few years ago and it was killer. I really like Joe Whiteford's work. He's a nasally and scrawny fuck but I can't help but to like him. He was actually working the merch stand; he's the one that handed me my shirt. It was my first time in a bar, and my first concert in general. I sang along so loudly I broke my voice for a few days, and since I'm so small I was let up to the front row. It was a very small venue, but that just made it better. I hope I can see them live again someday.

My second book also came. "The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer."

I had a good time last night. I got trashed and watched my SO stream one of my favorite games, Resident Evil 7. I like it enough that I've put it on the "potential shrine" list. I think this is the third time they've played it for me, and I'm grateful for it. They're good at it, and I've seen so much gameplay I can usually answer walkthrough-type questions without consulting a guide.

Before I had easy access to it, I used to think I handled my alcohol pretty well, but recently just the smell of it makes me gag. I typically throw up after about four beers. I think that may be why. There's a medication I'm on that amplifies the effects of alcohol, so I can usually stop before I get to a fifth and run that risk of barfing all over my room. There are a few stains on the carpet next to my bed from me learning my limits.

I enjoy drinking and I don't get traditional hangovers, but my mood always ends up shitty the next day. I guess that's my equivalent; when I drink it feels as though I take out a "feel good" loan from the following day's reserves. So, today is a moody and anxious day. Hopefully, tomorrow is better. I'm ready for bed.

First official log for the new site. I'm still deciding what I want to do with it. The new design is pretty sterile, but I have plans to add some things. I'm iffy about the logs page, unsure whether I like the collapsibles or not. Content I'd like to include here includes psuedo-Twitter posts and actual thoughtful pieces, and I'm unsure how to set them up. Having them sharing a page seems like a poor decision, I don't want them mixed. Where does a diet Tweet stop and an actual article begin?

I ordered plugs to size up with Christmas money and they're too large. My ears are being very stubborn, so I'm going to have to wait til I get more money to buy a half-size up. I've never had issues with it before, so you can imagine my disappointment. They're cool looking too. I know I'll get to wear them eventually, but I'm still bummed I have to wait so long. The ones I've got in my current size are lame and kind of ugly if I'm being completely honest.

I also bought a few books for the first time in a long time. One fiction, one on Dahmer. I finished the fiction in a few days. The Dahmer book won't be here for ages, so I suppose I have something to look forward to.

If I keep this bout of energy, I'm hoping I make progress on my movies/TV pages. I've got like 5 different posts in progress for them. Difficult to write like I used to. That's about it for now. Thanks for reading.

I FINALLY found an SD card compatible with this Kodak. I'm really looking forward to taking photos with it; the outdated quality and date stamps add points for me. I may post photos here in the future, if I ever finish this "new" site design. It's difficult to find motivation. I'm actually taking selfies -- maybe they'll end up here. Depends.

I promise there's something in the works. I just barely touch it. My attention span has been ate up by more medication changes. Writing's been affected too. Because of this, I've mostly just been drawing. I found a brush on CSP I really like, so I've been practicing painting with it.

OH! And, I finally got a hold of the Resident Evil Biohazard Document File book! Can be summarized with this: Lucas Baker owns my ass.

That's about all there is to report. Once I get this redesign fleshed out I should have more things of substance to share. After all, this is a social media replacement, isn't it?

Surprise, I'm not dead. It's likely there will be some major changes here if I keep this sudden motivation going. The current TV design will probably be reserved for a media shrine of some sort. Spent too much of my energy on it to scrap it entirely.

As time's gone on, I've withdrawn further and further from social media. Sharing what goes on in my life has grown more and more unpleasant and often ignites paranoia. That said, I'm weening off of Instagram for my privacy's sake-- Facebook has destroyed it anyway. It's nothing but adware and info-mining disguised as a photo sharing app. I officially decided to begin looking for an alternative the moment they replaced the activity feed with a shopping feature I'd never fuckin' use.

Now, I ask you, the reader, a question: What is a good alternative to Instagram? If you have an answer, I'd be extremely grateful if you shared. Everything I've found is either paid, reserved for professional photographers (which I am not), or sketchy/dead as hell from lack of use. I don't trust Imgur with my phone number, I won't give Tumblr the time of day after their NSFW ban, and I don't care for Flickr. (I suppose it's possible my pickiness is affecting my search.)

I swear, everything Facebook touches turns to shit, and I pray that I live to see Zuck's monopoly crumble. We've got an infinite amount of Tik Tok clones, but why not Instagram? There's no way I'm the only person fed up with their bullshit. Like... I just want a place to upload my silly little photos without giving Facebook the opportunity to harvest my info. It's bad enough that Google has my ass. I could host photos here, and I plan to, but I've had a hell of a time trying to get a photo gallery in working order. I think it may be a bit outside my skillset.

Anyway, yeah, that's about it. Thanks for reading.

I've recently started playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons again. I lost interest late last summer after having time-travelled so much, and I came to terms with the fact I'd likely have to reset in order to get that interest back.

So, I did that, and I've been playing lots since. I've got a very loose plan set up for my island and I'm working at getting all my favorite villagers back. It's a struggle, as some are more difficult to get, but I'm hoping that'll keep me interested in it for a bit longer. I have a decent amount of amiibo cards, but not really anyone I want. Plenty of the typical favorites, like Stitches and Goldie, but I don't care much for those. The goal is also to have at least one of each personality type, which leaves a maximum of two duplicates; those generic popular ones would just take up space. Marcel is lazy, Coco is normal. Those slots are taken.

I regret time traveling so much just starting out, as I sorta speedran the whole thing. Luckily my memory is shit and replaying like I am is almost like new.

Touching back on amiibo cards, I found a giftcard I hadn't used yet (again: horrible memory-- I'm constantly finding unused gift cards) and purchased some of my "dreamies", those being my favorite villagers I'd lost in the reset. They include Buck(<3), Marcel, Stinky, and Tabby, all decently priced given they aren't super popular. (The seller had Lucky listed for almost $30, I about shit. I'll just buy one off Nookazon if I have to.)

I don't really have any ideas for an island theme, so I may just go nuts and put shit here and there and just tweak until I'm satisfied. I've got an area cooking with two diagonal bridges I'm liking at least.

Eventually I'd like to work on getting the e-Reader cards of my favorite villagers-- I really love Buck. If I had the money to commission a plush of him I absolutely would.

BUT...

As much as I'm enjoying the game, I have some major critiques as well. The normal furniture sets are nonexistent, the game released as a bare-bones shell as a cheap tactic to keep interest with updates, and tools breaking is the bane of my existence. The dialogue with villagers is so plain. I'd play New Leaf again if the Switch hadn't set my standards for graphics so high. I think the previous AC's are a rare case of me not wanting to replay old games because of graphics.

I suppose in a way Nintendo succeeded by watering the Animal Crossing experience down. No funky furniture, no quirky dialogue... It's bland, yet it grabbed the attention of everyone because of Covid. It bothers me endlessly. I miss my Kiddie set, my Sloppy set, and seeing villagers in Brewster's Cafe. I miss having a shopping district and not having to wait for certain days to buy gardening items and shoes. I have zero hope they'll revert back to what made it unique because of the success with these shitass decisions. Nintendo has really been letting me down lately. Hopefully they don't gangstalk me for saying so.

It's certainly a mixed bag, but I don't see myself stopping playing anytime soon. I'm determined to get my island and home to a finished state. Once I have a dream address and stuff I'll share, but there's nothing worth sharing for now.